My 1 week Weigh-in/Measure-In on Plexus Slim

I'll start off by saying I've had a bit of a setback. Not in losing weight or inches using Plexus Slim, though I'm not actually sure what my true starting weight was, but I discovered that every time I tried stepping on the scale I was getting a slightly different number. Why? Oh, because my floor isn't level. So I had to start over with a new starting weight that will be accurate from now on. I actually weighed and measured myself yesterday, and since I don't really know what my starting weight was I'm saying I lost 0 (zero) pounds this week, though I lost 5.5" total inches. Pretty good start if you ask me. I didn't change my diet, I didn't count calories, and I didn't exercise. Hey, what more can a girl ask for in a week?? I'll see what my next weeks weigh-in brings, and hopefully I'll be able to see that number go down.

I also ordered the ProBio5 and the BioCleanse, so those will be coming in the mail shortly. I don't know if I'll be able to start them this week anymore, but by next week for sure! Then I'll probably start melting this fat away and looking amazing before I know it! I'm so excited to continue my Plexus regimen. I feel so good about it. :)

My Goals using Plexus

So it's officially been 5 days since I started my weight loss journey with Plexus. Not only do I feel better, I've no longer the cravings for sweets, and though I haven't weighed myself yet, I feel like I'm fitting into my clothes a little easier. I've stopped drinking soda and haven't really felt the need to go to my morning coffee either. I've been able to rest easier and wake up with so much more energy. These are huge accomplishments for me and a  great way to start my healthier lifestyle. After doing a little thinking, I realized that my only goal when starting plexus was to see results, any results, but what I didn't think about was what I actually want to see happening. I found a 'healthy weight for my body type calculator' and discovered that to get to a 'healthy' weight, I need to lose 105 pounds. If I can achieve this goal, that would bring my weight to 152.4 lbs. Let me just say this, I haven't seen that number on the scale since I was in junior high, probably 6th or7th grade. In addition to losing the weight, I'm positive I'll lose countless inches all over my body, and hopefully I can accept the changes as they come. I know I'll be nothing but pleased when these goals become a reality, however, I have an enormous self-confidence and -image complex, and I'm trying to prepare myself for that. I need to learn to love myself and admit that I'll probably never be a size zero, but going from a size 24 to whatever my future self will wear is good. I can't wait to see the results and wish I could fast forward time a bit. 

A Weight Loss Journey with Plexus

Today is a very exciting day for me. I've committed to getting healthier and losing weight. I received my Plexus Slim and Accelerator in the mail this morning. First thing I did was take measurements of my upper chest, chest, right and left arms, waist, hips, right and left thighs, and my right and left calf. Then I weighed myself... I'll put it out there because I'm not ashamed and I'm certain that number will start to go down soon.
Generally, I don't partake in weight loss pills or drinks or programs, but after hearing that people that I actually know and value their opinion have done this, it occurred to me that this might be the boost that I've needed. I am going to get back on track by going out and using the gym membership that I've paying for, and making healthier decisions at the grocery store instead of letting my stomach tell me what I should get.
With that all said, here is my Day 1 measurements and weight.

My starting weight is 257.4 lbs.
Currently, I have a BMI of 41.5.
Upper Chest: 44
Chest: 47
Right Arm: 13
Left Arm: 13
Wasit: 47.5
Hips: 56
Right Thigh: 27
Left Thigh: 27
Right Calf: 19
Left Calf: 19

I'll update weekly on my progress. :) Wish me luck. 

Condradictory Hypocrites rant

I'm quite certain I'm guilty of being a hypocrite at least sometimes. I'm also quite certain I contradict myself now and again. I'll admit it. Let me just put this out there... if you don't know who you are as a person, and you jump around from idea to idea, then maybe you should stop posting it on Facebook announcing to the world that you have, once again, failed another attempt at whatever it was you claimed to do, causing your validity to fade. If, for example, you say you're going 100% Vegan, then be 100% Vegan. You can't just all of a sudden say "Making Chicken Salad tonight, YUM!" and choose to not be Vegan for the evening. You're either 100% Vegan, or you're not. What this person doesn't understand it that, it's a lifestyle, not just a choice from time to time. On another issue, its all fine and good to practice what you believe in. But to put your belief on blast on Facebook and tell other people they're wrong for their beliefs is just wrong. There is not one 'right' thing that works for everyone, that's what makes us all so special. The views and opinions of political issues, animal abuse/cruelty (although I agree it's a terrible and disgusting topic), whether you practice a religious faith or not, and just plain vapid comments/posts should find other places to be talked about. That's why I chose my own personal blog to vent my feelings. As for this person being a hypocrite and contradictory... if you claim to be pagan, and have no one god, rather you have a goddess (Mother Earth), then when you post a picture of a puppy with a severe tick problem, please do not use God's name by saying "Oh my friggin GOD". If you're so against animal cruelty, why do you insist on posting videos and pictures of skinned dogs and other animals? Your argument of getting the word out is invalid. Because all its really doing, is just circulating around the internet for more people like you to criticize it. It's not doing anyone any good by posting it on Facebook. I certainly do not like seeing my entire news feed littered with pictures of that kind. (Its not like I'm sitting here thinking I want to skin my cat, and oh whats this on my computer? A video telling me not to hurt my animal? Oh wow, thank you internet! I didn't know that was wrong... now I know. Phew! That was a close one!) Stuff like this just pisses me off. Do you even know who you are a person and what you stand for? Or is everything you say some bullshit show for your "friends"?

Oh yeah, posting a picture of a half-dead man lying in the street with his pants around his ankles and an angry bull stomping him to death isn't exactly what I would call tasteful. Especially with the description she chose "That's what he gets...". The picture posted was from a bull run in Spain, known as Pamplona - Running of the Bulls. It's an event that is held each year... bullfighting and partying. It's not like this just happened out of the ordinary, it's a tradition... These bulls are going to be killed and sold in markets anyway, and it is really only dangerous to those showing off their bravado by trying to get the bull to their respective pens, and to the bystanders watching the event. Either way, did that man really deserve "That's what he gets..." for partaking in a traditional bull run that has been around for decades? I don't think so. Honestly, the woman who posted this probably isn't even aware of the back story making her post invalid. Not just her post, but herself. I know, harsh. But I couldn't care less. The only reason I keep this person as a friend on this popular social networking site is because it's entertainment for me and my husband. Her stupidity and self-righteous attitude that she's better than anyone is astonishing considering that she has nothing to be self-righteous about.

If I chose to circumcise my children, what business of that is yours? What gives you the right to preach that it's wrong? What if I said to you that NOT circumcising your son is disgusting and a place to breed germs if not properly cared for? What if I told you that it makes it easier for little boys to clean on their own? What if I told you is just looks better that way? If a newborn boy get a circumcision, chances are favorable that he will not remember the pain inflicted the very next day.

She thinks everything about her is perfect... listen closely, because I'm sure you'll read this one day. You are not perfect. No one is. Every individual on this planet is just that, an individual. Each of us are interested in different things, practice different faiths, embark on different journeys, and hold different meanings in our lives.Get over yourself!

Yeah, that's enough ranting... I'm done. Writing about her just pisses me off.

its been a while...

I'm not sure where to really continue after leaving off for so long. This blog is mainly for me anyway, right? I'll just start with how I feel... Josh and I were married on June 8th, 2013. Just a few weeks ago, and it was the best day of my life. Now I don't know if it was the stress of planning everything or just the sheer anxiety of it all, but I kind of miss the chaotic mess of planning it. At first, I was relieved to have it all done and over with because I kept myself busy getting everything in order to change my name and  playing the waiting game for our pictures, etc. Looking at the pictures now, I'm glad that my Dad walked me down the aisle. I'm glad that my Mom and my husbands Mom lit the unity candles. I'm glad that everyone who means the most to me got to share in my special day.  I don't know what it is that I'm feeling, but it's like a void. I'm not really quite sure what it is, but I'm not myself lately. I'm normally a very easy sleeper, yet I've been waking up in cold sweats and crying almost every night after having nightmares that my children are dead. In reality, they're fine. When I get up to go check on them, they're fast asleep in their own beds and no harm has been done. Aside from that, my kids, as most people know, are my world. I might complain about them from time to time, but they mean everything to me. It does bother me, though, that no one understands them. Not even me. As much as I sit and try to figure them out, I can't. I just do not get what they are all about. Is that all kids? Or just mine? Or just kids with special needs? I don't know. I try so hard to help them make advances in their life, yet it's like I'm also embarrassed of them in public. It's hard for me to want to take them places because I know how it's going to end up. People staring, pointing, making comments under their breathe, or flat-out telling me I'm a poor parent. (What? How am I a poor parent when all I do is revolve my life around these kids? They are my highest priority and I don't let anything or anyone stand in my way of them. I don't let drugs, alcohol, or other things cloud my judgement on important steps of their lives.) I'm a great fucking Mom. Of all people who get them the most, I do. Then Josh, Aron, and my Mom. But of all people I want, other than me, to "get them" is my father. I feel like he favors his other grandchild. Is it because his other grandchild is a girl?  A mostly well-behaved, adorable, funny, and smart little girl? Or is it because my kids are loud, sneaky, naughty, and emotionally train-wrecked? Well, not that it isn't true, but there is more to my kids than that. They're very bright, talented, sweet, humorous, kind, gentle, honest, and loving boys. I might only catch a glimpse of those traits once in a while, but I know they're there because when those do shine through all of the bad things, it helps me forget those bad things. I just with people, like my Dad, though not limited to him, would be able to see that. What my boys really want and desire is love and affection. They tell me hundreds of times a day that they love me. They let me know how important I am to them and how much they care about me. How is it fair that these two boys can't get that some love they give out returned to them by other people? Why can't anyone just accept them for who they are instead of telling me how terrible they act or how naughty they've been. I hate the fact that I don't feel welcome anywhere when I have my children, or I'm hurried out because of them, or just tolerated while we're there resulting in uncomfortable situations. I know people have a sigh of relief when we leave, but maybe if people who just reach out to them... get on their level, talk to them, be interested in them.... then that person might understand them a bit more each time, and my kids would start understanding you, too. They would learn what you like, what you don't like, how they should act. My kids aren't normal 5 and 6 year olds. They're different. They have the intellect of children much older than they really are, yet they are only 3 and 4 years old emotionally. My boys can't be dictated, they don't respond well to it. Though, I'm guilty of it, too. They have special connections to certain items (more so than the connection a toddler would have to his/her blankie or favorite stuffed animal for example.) They use their senses differently than you or I would. Their abilities to read, write, draw, color, use mathematics, or use objects for different purposes and creating things from other things... it's really amazing to see them excel in those areas. I'm so incredibly proud of my kids... why isn't anyone else, though? It's truly baffling. I know I'm rambling again, and probably just going in circles with this... so I'm done for the night. Hopefully I can sleep this feeling off, and make sense of it all another time.

Homemade Caramel Mocha Frappucino [starbucks]

What you'll need for [Starbucks Caramel Mocha Frappucino] HOMEMADE!:
 *~Makes TWO 16 oz. drinks~*

Ingredients:
3 tbs. Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
3 tbs. Hershey's Caramel Syrup
1 c. Milk (I prefer 2%, but use what you like)
3 tbs. Pure Cane Sugar
3/4 c. Double Strength brewed coffee (8 O'clock brand - Mocha flavor)
2 c. Ice
1 can whipped cream

First you start brewing a double strength pot of coffee.

(I use 2 tbs. of coffee grounds per 1 cup of water. So if you make a 10 c. pot of coffee, you'll need 20 tbs. of coffee grounds)

After the coffee has been brewed, set aside in refrigerator to chill for 3-4 hours.

Once the coffee has cooled, you can then combine all ingredients into a blender.

 (I use a smoothie blender with a dispenser.)

I first start with the ice, then I add the milk, sugar, chocolate syrup and coffee. Blend until smooth texture and easily drinkable.

Pour into 16 oz glasses and top off with caramel syrup and whipped cream (optional).

Drink and Enjoy! It's delicious!
(I think this homemade recipe is way better than the big box name brand, anyway!)

Confessions and such

Welcome to my blog! If you're reading this, you are one of the few I've granted permission to view my emotions, my life, and my thoughts from my point of view. Here's to hoping more of you will understand better who I really am.

As this is my first ever blog, I've decided to start with a little background information in which it pertains to my current emotional state. I'm presently employed as a CNA, engaged to my fiance, Josh, and a mother to 2 little boys named Alex and Seth. Over the past few years, since the birth of my two very special little boys, I've become bitter and determined to not let my life spiral out of control... again. I once was a girl who lived recklessly and without alarm of being reprimanded in any sort. I became a habitual drug user, was in an abusive relationship, didn't care if I lived or died, and I sincerely hated my life. But back to why my sons are special is because of a few reasons. My oldest son, Alexander, saved my life. The lifestyle I was in then was not the lifestyle I wanted once I found out that I have created a child inside me. If it wasn't for my most unconditional love to keep that life safe and healthy, who knows where I would be now. Most likely, I'd still be a junky or dead and/or in prison. He has issues of his own as well, and we are currently seeking treatment for them. But aside from the negatives, Alex has a wonderful heart. I always wanted a boy to tell me he loves me everyday, and I also lucked out and got one that also calls me Mom. Another reason why my sons are so special to me is because they're just that; my sons. MY sons. Who would have ever thought that I would be responsible for someone else? Or in this case, two 'someone else's'. My kids have helped me in ways that not even words can describe. My youngest son, Seth, has Asperger's disorder. He has taught me the value of of being kind to others and not judging a book by its cover. He has taught me how to see the world in a very different and unique way that many other people do not get to experience or even dream about. A world about questions about everything. Anything. And nothing. It's truly amazing to try and see and feel what he does. Seth is so incredibly bright, and I wonder how I was so lucky to be blessed with such an amazing son. I can't wait to see what the world holds for them and how well I know they will succeed.

Backtracking, once again, to my life spiraling out of control. This time though, it's not due to drug use or a reckless lifestyle. Right now, regardless of the fact that I have two of the most amazing sons in my life, sometimes I wonder what would life be like without them emotionally, financially, and physically. I'm only one person, and playing Mommy and Daddy is so hard. Sure, I have Josh here to help me out, but at the same time, I know it's not his responsibility to care for these two boys. Despite the fact that Seth and Alex are completely and totally brilliant children, they are also very difficult to understand (emotionally) at times and it's frustrating. Keeping a cool head about things when it comes to their behaviors is an exceptionally daunting and tiring task most days. Most people look at them like they're totally out of control and that I'm a bad parent because I'm constantly asking them to keep their hands to themselves, to use 'inside voices', to sit still, to stop 'this' and to stop' that', to quit destroying things, to act their ages instead of acting like babies, etc. I know those things all seem like normal everyday things in a 4 and 5 years behavior, but mine take it to extremes that I can't even fathom having energy for. In fact, it drains ALL of my energy by the time we're done with out 20 minute shopping trip to Wal-Mart (not like I have a lot of energy to begin with).

Why don't I have energy? Good question. Every day that I wake up to pretty much goes like this: Wake up at 5:20 to go to work. Work from 6 until 2:30 where I'm overworked, under-appreciated, and under payed. Go home to my children and my home that is just infested with messes that apparently only I see. (Granted, Josh has been doing more around the house, I'm still not happy.) Why am I the only one who sees this mess? Because I suffer from OCD, and although I've been getting better with things "let be", I still have this insane urge that consumes my evening, or my days off from work, and doesn't allow me to relax. Ever.  I see things that I consider "wrong", where normal people consider it "neat, and tidy." I'm beyond wanting things "neat, and tidy". I want things in my home to be perfect... better than perfect. I want my home to look like it came right out of a Better Homes & Gardens magazine... everything is flawlessly in place, the carpet vacuumed, the floors mopped and waxed, the furniture placed in any of the rooms just so, laundry neatly folded and put away, dishes in their rightful places in my cabinets and drawers, beds made neatly, stove top clean and shiny, and everything dusted and detailed right down to buttons, knobs, nooks and crannies. Now, my home is NOT that clean, but it's what I strive for on a daily basis. I want my home to be warm and inviting, but I'm realizing more and more how all this OCD about having a clean home plays into the exact opposite of being warm and inviting. Things so nicely cleaned and placed makes guests uncomfortable and nervous about possibly "making a mess" or ruining something that is inevitable by just their very presence in the room. Then, after I've given up on being happy with the way my house looks and near completely neglecting to play with my children, it is bath/bed time for them around 8:00 pm. After this is when I sit and contemplate about things in which I have no control over like wanting to win the lottery because that would solve so many of my problems, or realistically dropping 100 pounds before I get married next June, or generally being happy. Not that happiness is impossible for me, just a bit out of my reach for now, but I'm taking to steps to get it back. It just seems like it's not worth it sometimes because I'm so stressed out about my kids, my money, my job, my relationship with Josh and others that I love, my self-image, my house and it's continual knack for being a pig pen, and hating the person I've become. Sometimes I think that taking the easy way out is the only way out and I find myself in a extreme state of depression and in scary thoughts of suicide.

Not to worry though, like I said, I'm taking the steps to get help with everything. I hope it helps me. From now on is where I turn a new page in my life and get back to the life I always imagined I would have.  My life, now summed up in a few paragraphs, is far from what my life entirely entails and I couldn't possibly explain everything I want to explain, but it's a good start.